Finding the Fun

Pain is terrible and it’s great. In October of 2015, I was shattered by grief. For a solid year, I cried every day. Wow, writing that makes me choke up a little, even though what I’m about to say is good. I’ve grown so much in the past two years. More than I even realized I needed to. I didn’t realize how inauthentic being a people pleaser was. I didn’t understand why I felt lonely at times even though I had a lot of amazing friends.

Being a people pleaser felt a lot like this artwork (which I saw at Kaaboo) - fractured.
Being a people pleaser felt a lot like this artwork (which I saw at Kaaboo) – fractured. I would do things to make other people happy, even things that made me unhappy…and try to tell myself I was happy because they were happy.

By grieving and taking time alone I’ve figured out a couple things. When you are ready, you’ll want to find the fun again. For a while, I wanted to curl up in a ball and hibernate. I had glimpses of wanting to find fun, but not really. I couldn’t hold on to light for very long. I would drop into heavy often and without warning. I just spent an entire weekend in light and fun, and I have to say, it was amazing.

Moment in the sun with a good friend, who knows me inside and out! Cool live artwork.

I love live music. I had forgotten that. Or, rather, I didn’t make time for it. And now, I found 3 solid days for it. I danced for over 25 hours. I walked around, sometimes alone, sometimes with acquaintances and other times with close friends and all of it was a joy.

When I decided to go to Kaaboo, I decided to go by myself. That isn’t to say that I didn’t want to be with other people. I really love spending time with people. But for me, the biggest desire was to feel the music. That meant going to see the venues I want, not putting a group first. I spent weeks listening to all the different possibilities and creating schedules. Every time I worked on it, I felt like I was giving myself a gift. There was some music for my soul, there was some for my dancing side, there was a bit for that dreamy romantic girl and there was some for my kickass rebellious self as well. Each day was a song in itself, with various refrain and crescendos.

I supposed the day after could have gone two ways: 1) Overly tired with the need to recuperate or 2) Inspired and ready to thrive. Thankfully, today was #2. I woke up, did yoga, organized my schedule and had meetings all morning. After I picked my kids up from school, the four of us (with only minimal fighting and one minor injury) made an awesome dinner together. One sliced the carrots and did the garlic bread, one marinated the steaks, one made the mashed potatoes and I did the heat work. I only burned myself once! 🙂 It was fun working together. I’m not usually that organized on Monday nights, although it’s become our ritual the last month and I love it! Around the table, we did our high point/low point chat. My 10-year-old was laughing so hard when she was telling her high point that it took 5 tries for the rest of us to understand her. That moment became my high point. I think if I hadn’t spent the whole weekend feeding my soul, I could have taken the earlier squabble between my kids as a big deal, then made it into a big deal, thereby ensuring no one worked together and the image of a family dinner ruined.  However, because I was so happy and relaxed, it all flowed. I love it when the cycle works this way. I can see that giving myself time was awesome for all of us. So I don’t need to feel guilty for grabbing some fun now and then. I don’t need to feel guilty for putting myself first anymore because a happy me gives so much more to the people around me. Wow, that sounds cheesy, even for me. But I stand by it.

Hope you had a great weekend too! What are you doing that feeds your soul? XOXO K

Laugh, Breathe, Smile

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44 Replies to “Finding the Fun”

  1. I love that feeding your soul allowed you to be patient with your kids. That’s perfect. I need that. I think that’s why I’ve been so frustrated lately. It must be feeding the soul time!

    1. It helps more than I ever thought possible, Heidi!

  2. This was a reminder to me to just breathe. Relax, and let things slide. I really need to take some time for myself, and “feed my soul”. I do find that time, even in small increments makes a big difference on my attitude.

    1. Thanks Joanna!

  3. I am not a people pleaser since it often requires being someone I just am not, and I’m not ok with that. And I am so glad you were able to enjoy your music again!

    1. Thanks for sharing!

  4. I often need to be reminded about this. Feeding the soul is so important. I have ignored it in the past but now that I often take the time out to feed my soul, i can tell the difference.

    1. That’s awesome that you are doing that!

  5. Yes it’s true. When one is empty, it’s hard to give when there’s nothing to give. All that remains is bitterness, anger and depression. It’s ok to have fun and pamper yourself!

    1. Thanks Milton, I totally agree!

  6. I always try to remind myself to do things that I love and enjoy doing! I feel as we get older, we’re constantly working, and we don’t make time for ourselves, so this was a lovely reminder to do so 🙂

    Sondra xx

    1. Thanks Sondra!

  7. Music always helps me a lot as well. It does feed my soul, that’s for sure. That and chocolate.

    1. I have to agree with the chocolate as well! 🙂

  8. Art has such a great way to feed your soul. It is so important to do things you enjoy.

    1. Andrea, I totally agree! Art in so many forms, music, paintings, amazing food…all of it!

  9. I love this post! Sometimes, we all need that mental break – something to help us unwind, destress and take care of ourselves from the inside out. I’m glad you were able to do that!

    1. Thanks May!

  10. Feeding your soul is the best way to enjoy and relax. I also do that sometimes.

    1. Enman, I completely agree!

  11. I am so happy for you because I can feel it in your writing. Having been through a crises, surviving it and then finding yourself again takes a lot of courage. So glad you’re on the right track! 😊

    1. Thank you so much Aishwarya!

  12. I could instantly relate to what you say about pain! I had to go back to work after suffering a devastating loss, and it was terrible! I recovered enough to plan a trip for my family, and that helped pull me out of it. Great post!

    1. Traveling is another great idea for self-care. Thanks for bringing it up Kim!

  13. Sometimes it’s better to not overthink and let things go with the flow. There are many ways to feed your soul and I know it’s different for every person.

    1. Very true Angela!

  14. Claudia Krusch says:

    It can be to easy to hibernate when we are hurt. It is so important to take some time out for our selves. Music is a great way to recharge your soul.

    1. It feels good to be out of hibernation!

  15. Sometimes you need the time away from everyone just to think about things in your life, and really let the moment soak in. Glad to hear you’re doing your best to find the fun in things.

    1. Thanks Dana!

  16. This is what i needed. I need to stop thinking so much and doing more.

    1. I kind of wonder if we all do? 🙂

  17. I love your take on finding fun. Like you said, life is not always the same. It is left to us to seek happiness in the smallest of things. I’m glad you indulge in happy moments like music and catching up with friends from time to time. Cheers!!

    1. Thank you Aditi!

  18. In our lives there will really come a time that we will encounter sadness and indeed its up to us and the time for us to recover in it. It is also up to us if we will overcome it. Good to know that it makes you better and you find an outlet to release it.

    1. I completely agree with you. There is something empowering about realizing that we have the power to overcome things if we give ourselves time to grieve them and have a willingness to let them go.

  19. Love your positivity in this post! Definitely gave me some stuff to think about!

    1. Thanks Kim!

  20. This was so refreshing to relate to someone. Glad things have picked back up!

    1. Thanks Angela!

  21. Rebecca Swenor says:

    It is so important to have the time and energy just for ourselves. So many of us forget that we are important and without doing for ourselves we can’t do for others. One day a weekend I usually binge watch shows on Netflix because it is something I enjoy doing for me. It is how I relax. Thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughts.

    1. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences as well, Rebecca! XO K

  22. I am glad you have found fun and inner peace. What feeds my soul lately is enriched food, organic, holistic and food that really literally feeds me. Its liberating.

    1. I love that! I’m glad you know what works for you too!

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